Have you ever had a tough choice to make? Who would be the best man at your wedding? What you were going to take in college? Whether to stay at a job, out of familiarity, or whether to look for something else, because you knew that a change would do you good? Well, I can say yes to all the former questions. In fact, I am projecting all those out to you because I have had to make them in my life.
According to the app on my iPhone (iPregnant) it will be 9 weeks, 2 days, 18 hours, 35 minutes, and change, until my wife and I are projected to have our first child (should the baby go to full term and there be no complications). This is exciting, nerve-racking, and a plethora of other things all at the same time. With this date fast approaching I know that I will have to do the responsible thing and consider whom I would wish to care for my child should something happen to my wife and I. It sounds a little morbid, but at the same time intensely practical. On the one hand I see myself as being truly blessed with a great number of wonderful people in my life. On the other I have come to contemplate how far the connections of these relationships actually go. I've heard some people say: "man, I'd do anything for you!" and appear to mean it, but what exactly do those promises mean? Does that mean they would take a phone call at 3am if I've had a rough day? Would they take a day off work to help me move? Would they take a second mortgage on their home to pay for experimental treatment were I to get extremely sick? Would they avenge my death if I were murdered? Hmmm......
Where I am going with all this is this: who in this world would I trust the most to take care of my legacy should something happen to me? Who would accept that responsibility? Who would pass on the values to them that I would want them to learn from me? Would that person or persons have the means to give them a comfortable and happy life? Would they accept the offer and follow through during a tragedy? I'd like to think that I have a least a few friends who would and perhaps they might. However, the more I think about it the more I believe that a family member, more specifically an immediate family member, might be the wisest choice (at least with my current thinking).
Maybe it is me having studied a bit of evolutionary psychology? Maybe it is more of a belief that there would be more of a vested interest in a family member wanting to do what it takes to ensure their linage is passed on through the ages? I'm not sure, but it does seem like in the family versus friends debate that family gets the upper hand. Am I done yet? Nope.
Parents versus siblings? On the one hand either one of our sets of parents (who are both very special) could offer a lot. They have less bills, more time, and are truly excited for the addition to the family. But, and there's always a but, their time, theoretically at least, is a lot more limited than, say, one of our siblings. With our siblings there are other considerations to be made. To an extent they are each in the process of establishing their lives and may be trying to get to the place where the parental figures are with regards to money and time. This is to say nothing about the differences in personality styles, values, and subtle lifestyle preferences. I have been humbled by the idea that if we were to ask any of them (and they were to accept the responsibility) that our unborn child would be getting all the good they'd offer with all the bad. We are all a mix of positive and negative - the hardest part of thinking about this all is knowing that I/we won't be a part of it were something to happen to us.
My dilemma concludes like this though. In picking one we are essentially not picking the others. I know though we are all grown ups, and just like the guy who is nominated for an award but doesn't get it but still congratulates the actual winner, there are hurt feelings when we are not chosen, passed over, or otherwise not selected. In reality, we have some wonderful people in our lives. I know should the worst happen that "Junior" (our affectionate name for our unborn child - we have chosen to not find out if it s a boy or a girl) will be in good hands and that they would bond together for his/her good. I hope that we can avoid any kind of family disharmony when we make our decision and. This choice will be tough. I hope that our unborn child, families, and friends appreciate the thought and effort we have put into this decision and will be part of the village we will need to raise our child in approximately 9 weeks 2 days 18 hours, and 16 seconds, 15, 14, 13.....
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